would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize