Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
