There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
