i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
