Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
