Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
