Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
