Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize