just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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