this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
