Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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