Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
