I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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