You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
