so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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