On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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