So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
