we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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