the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
