addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
