I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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