1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
