I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
