and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
