Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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