oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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