He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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