I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
