Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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