your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize