tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
