My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
