sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
