WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
