you traded sex for a burrito?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
