It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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