Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
