When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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