Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
People in love make me want to vomit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
