i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize