how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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