you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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