I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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