Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
