And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize