My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
