I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
