dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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