At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
