I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
