I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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