Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
