who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As shirtless as possible
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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