I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
