You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
