if you like me you must not know who I am
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
