Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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