my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
