That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
