That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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