ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
