Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
