please come you make the beer taste better
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
