Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
MIDGETS
????
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
