My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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