The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm at about main and main street
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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