my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
