Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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