So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
