it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
