After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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