we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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