I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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