I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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