she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize