Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
