My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
