I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
