it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
