things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize