She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The air was thick with penises
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize