Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
