It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
