I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
