i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
