There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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