My room smells like vodka and shame
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's never too late to be topless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
