god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
