he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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