and you said cock pushups were impossible
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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